Whoever said leading Western Europe’s biggest political movement was going to be any fun? Sometimes you have to feel for Jeremy Corbyn, lurching from one internal crisis to the next, getting the blame for Brexit, Ken’s umpteenth meltdown, global warming, the La La Land mix-up and that Pepsi ad. This week, though, there was finally a moment’s respite from the seemingly bottomless pit of existential despair that is the British Labour party. Because Jeremy launched a new policy - to provide free school meals for all primary aged kids, to be paid for by taxing private schools - and a minor miracle happened: people actually liked it. Now we know he doesn’t hold with opinion polls, so we’d better not tell him that in a rare display of good sense 54% of the public agreed with his plan. Mum’s the word.
Making the rich and privileged chip in to feed the nation’s poorest kids, though - who would actually disagree with something like that? Because right now 1.2 million children in England living below the poverty line are missing out on free school meals, according to research by the Children’s Society.
Plenty of people, it turns out. The Telegraph immediately scrambled its troops to claim the policy was ‘in tatters’. Why? Because the link between school meals and attainment has not been comprehensively proved - yet. But doesn’t it just say all you need to know about them and the world they live in that they assume the only goal is improving exam results, rather than alleviating hunger?
And one Mike Buchanan, chair of the The Headmasters' and Headmistresses' Conference, said the proposals would hurt ‘hard working, dual income families who are working very hard.’ Well, it seems like I’ve been getting it wrong all along. In a world of benefits cuts, rising hate crime and a crisis in the NHS it looks like we’ve been ignoring the real victims of society - it’s actually those hard working, dual income families who are working very hard.
Luckily there is hope for those moved by their plight, because it turns out most private schools are in fact registered charities. This includes a great little local charity called Eton College, which has supported countless unemployed and marginalised people down the years - Prince Harry, for one. It’s listed at the Charity Commission as ‘The Kynge’s College of our Layde of Eton Besyde Windsore’. It’s simply heartbreaking to see that these poor people can’t even spell their own name - to think that in 2017 such we tolerate such disadvantage in our society.
Only I can’t find Eton College on JustGiving, which is frustrating because I’d love to do my bit. I just feel so useless, watching those hard working, dual income families who are working very hard face the terrifying prospect of a tiny fraction of that hard-earned dual income go toward feeding hungry poor kids. Is there at least somewhere I can find a little David Cameron with a slot in his head?
Eton College’s annual income - £62m - puts it firmly among the country's top earning charities, rubbing shoulders with the likes of Oxfam and Save the Children. Well, all I can say is they must be doing an awful lot of supermarket bag packs. Or just maybe - call me cynical - it’s something to do with charitable status saving the country’s private schools a cool £700bn every year. Tax money that could be used to help real people in need, like the homeless, victims of domestic violence and refugees.
Good news is as rare as hens’ teeth for Jeremy Corbyn at the moment. He says he hasn’t decided whether to make it policy to strip private schools of their charitable status. If you ask me, if he feels like stretching his hot streak to an unprecedented second day, he could do a lot worse than pledge to end this ancient scam.
