Gorton by-election guide: no 2 - Sufi Khandoker

Sufi Khandoker (Independent)

Let’s just get this out the way: for Sufi Khandoker to win in Gorton would be an event completely unprecedented in modern British politics.

But I need to tell you about the man. Sufi Khandoker has run the Khandoker curry house for more than 30 years. Yeah, you probably know the one. It’s on Kingsway, near the Parrs Wood cinema - if you’re like me you’ll have driven past it a hundred times but never been in. What you probably won’t know is that it’s part of the oldest Indian restaurant business in the city. Sufi’s grandfather was a curry pioneer; he came to Manchester from Bangladesh in the 1930s and created something out of nothing. The curry mile might be dying these days, but Khandoker is still standing.

Why does Sufi want to be my MP? On the face of it, it’s hard to say. Sometimes independents are driven to stand because of something they feel passionately about, such as the closure of a hospital, or in George Galloway’s case, himself. Sometimes fringe candidates stand not to win, but to bring their message to a wider audience - like David Hopkins, who’s standing to spread the word about the idea of ‘direct democracy’. But none of this, as far as I know, applies to Sufi Khandoker.

No, his message is simply ‘I’m Sufi Khandoker, pillar of the community, and I should be MP for Manchester Gorton’. His policies are broad: make housing more affordable. Reduce crime. Support small businesses. Promote education. These are the things Sufi believes in. But why does he think he is best placed to deliver them? Is there really no party that he feels can accommodate him?

It’s virtually impossible for independents to break through at parliamentary elections. Martin Bell’s victory in Tatton in 1997, on an anti-sleaze ticket, was sensational because it was so unusual - he was the first independent to win a seat since 1951. It was only made possible because feelings were running high, and because neither the Lib Dems or Labour fielded a candidate, and because Martin Bell had a high media profile. You see where I’m going with this.

The deposit is £500 and on a turnout of 30,000 Sufi would need 1,500 votes to keep his. If all of his extended friends and family vote for him, plus some of his customers, plus a few people who have heard about his tireless good work for the community, my guess is he might get 400 votes. Then there’s the cost of the banners, the posters, the leaflets.

Why put yourself through it?

12 years ago Sufi was queuing to get on a flight to Benidorm. He was wearing a suit, his wife was in traditional dress. The kids were looking smart, representing the family. He eventually got to the check in desk and they asked him what was in his bag. Sufi said: ‘Why? It’s not as if I’ve got a bomb’. Well, it was a stupid question. Him! A man of charity, of the community. But what did they do? Arrested him, in front of his wife and children. Humiliated him. Then pursued the case vindictively - took him to court. How must that have felt to this man, who’d dressed up to go to the Costa Blanca, who helped his community, to whom reputation mattered? Sufi won his case - of course he did - but from that day to this if you search the name Sufi Khandoker, the first result will be that story.
Sufi Khandoker has supported so many charities, did you know that? Done so much for the community down the years. Been a school governor. Did you know pensioners eat free in his restaurant at Christmas? Well, you do now.

Gorton by-election guide: no 1 - Kemi Abidogun

Kemi Abidogun (Christian Peoples Alliance)

‘Will it not be great to have a society where everyone has a legitimate means of livelihood and our properties and buildings are safe? Bring back the good old days.’

NOT MY WORDS, but those of Kemi Abidogun, standing for the Christian Peoples Alliance in the Gorton by-elecdtion. The CPA, in case you haven’t come across them before, are in favour of churchy things, charity, and tough, tough love. (Things they are not so keen on: apostrophes.) Their election leaflet proclaims ‘termination of pregnancy on grounds of gender is wrong!’, which SEEMS not unreasonable, but turns out to be very much the tip of the iceberg when it comes to their objections to a woman’s right to choose.
 
A reading of their manifesto, in fact, is quite the eye opener. On the one hand they say: ‘We have opposed all attempts to redefine the meaning of marriage and will be working to repeal all laws which have already attempted to do this.’ On a more positive note, though: ‘We also want to develop technology that can lock onto incoming missiles and redirect them into the sea.’

Kemi’s candidacy will throw the right-thinking voters of Gorton into quite the quandary. Like, say you have a super fun gay wedding coming up in your 2017 calendar - heck, you might have even picked out your outfit. You wouldn’t want to do anything that might throw a spanner in THOSE rainbow patterned works, right? But on the other hand, what if Kemi is right on the verge of cracking that whole missile locking thing? In these dangerous times, can we afford to take the risk?

Sweet charity: Corbyn's free school meal policy hits the right spot

Whoever said leading Western Europe’s biggest political movement was going to be any fun? Sometimes you have to feel for Jeremy Corbyn, lurching from one internal crisis to the next, getting the blame for Brexit, Ken’s umpteenth meltdown, global warming, the La La Land mix-up and that Pepsi ad. This week, though, there was finally a moment’s respite from the seemingly bottomless pit of existential despair that is the British Labour party. Because Jeremy launched a new policy - to provide free school meals for all primary aged kids, to be paid for by taxing private schools - and a minor miracle happened: people actually liked it. Now we know he doesn’t hold with opinion polls, so we’d better not tell him that in a rare display of good sense 54% of the public agreed with his plan. Mum’s the word.

Making the rich and privileged chip in to feed the nation’s poorest kids, though - who would actually disagree with something like that? Because right now 1.2 million children in England living below the poverty line are missing out on free school meals, according to research by the Children’s Society.

Plenty of people, it turns out. The Telegraph immediately scrambled its troops to claim the policy was ‘in tatters’. Why? Because the link between school meals and attainment has not been comprehensively proved - yet. But doesn’t it just say all you need to know about them and the world they live in that they assume the only goal is improving exam results, rather than alleviating hunger?

And one Mike Buchanan, chair of the The Headmasters' and Headmistresses' Conference, said the proposals would hurt ‘hard working, dual income families who are working very hard.’ Well, it seems like I’ve been getting it wrong all along. In a world of benefits cuts, rising hate crime and a crisis in the NHS it looks like we’ve been ignoring the real victims of society - it’s actually those hard working, dual income families who are working very hard.

Luckily there is hope for those moved by their plight, because it turns out most private schools are in fact registered charities. This includes a great little local charity called Eton College, which has supported countless unemployed and marginalised people down the years - Prince Harry, for one. It’s listed at the Charity Commission as ‘The Kynge’s College of our Layde of Eton Besyde Windsore’. It’s simply heartbreaking to see that these poor people can’t even spell their own name - to think that in 2017 such we tolerate such disadvantage in our society.

Only I can’t find Eton College on JustGiving, which is frustrating because I’d love to do my bit. I just feel so useless, watching those hard working, dual income families who are working very hard face the terrifying prospect of a tiny fraction of that hard-earned dual income go toward feeding hungry poor kids. Is there at least somewhere I can find a little David Cameron with a slot in his head?

Eton College’s annual income - £62m - puts it firmly among the country's top earning charities, rubbing shoulders with the likes of Oxfam and Save the Children. Well, all I can say is they must be doing an awful lot of supermarket bag packs. Or just maybe - call me cynical - it’s something to do with charitable status saving the country’s private schools a cool £700bn every year. Tax money that could be used to help real people in need, like the homeless, victims of domestic violence and refugees.

Good news is as rare as hens’ teeth for Jeremy Corbyn at the moment. He says he hasn’t decided whether to make it policy to strip private schools of their charitable status. If you ask me, if he feels like stretching his hot streak to an unprecedented second day, he could do a lot worse than pledge to end this ancient scam.